Shhh...I will not tell

I will not tell
the times you came into the bed

I will not tell
the whispers you said

I will not share
the details to future generations
for they do not need to
bare such things

I will not call the police on you
because, dear, I pray
one day, you will see,
you will see me
as someone you'd like to know
more than you're fleetings

I will not call for help
because I hold hope
you will open your heart
greater than the sun's share.

One day you will love me,
One day you will care.

Forget-me-not

"Hunh?"...

The door is shaking. On the other side of it, curses and jangling metal bangs against the door.

I look at the clock. 2:24 a.m.

Typical.

"Babe. Shit, babe. Wake up!"

He turns on the lamp by the bed.

I roll over, expecting yet another line of overdramatic stories, hoping that he would see my pink-flowered nightgown and tousled hair to realize that I really don't care anymore.

I look at him. Blood is trickling down his forehead tracing the scrunched lines that always made him look like one of those Wrinkles dogs.

"What the hell happened to you!?"

"Babe. I was with the guys, you know. Just minding my own business, eh. And, then, you know, some f*#&ing guy wanted to pick a fight. And...damn. I can't remember what else happened. But the cops are looking for me and I gotta get outta here ASAP."

He scans the room for what he needs the most. He picks up his gym bag and piles in 3 dirty undershirts that are sitting by the heater, 2 hoodies, his cologne, toothbrush by the kitchen sink, mouthwash, wool socks and the photo of his baby brother.

"I don't know what to do. I'm in so much shit, man!"

I sit on the bed, stunned, watching him pack everything he needs, knowing he's never going to come back home. I hold onto the moment before he went out with the guys, when I kissed him and said "I love you. Please come home safe...", a recycled statement these days; nothing but a waste of breath.

The man who used to wrap me in his arms is now a criminal.

"Don't forget these..." I throw him the pair of boxer shorts I gave to him for Valentine's Day.

He doesn't even hesitate to feel my quiet heartache, hoping that he will remember me.

He slathers mustard on a white piece of bread and grabs his wallet and clips the chain onto his belt loop.

The room is left with the linger of beer and puke mixed together.

He's gone.

I sit in the middle of the living room floor, the carpet scratchy on my bare legs. Which is fine. Right now it's the only thing that's reminding me that I'm still alive.

You

With you, my heart fills up
with the crispy tinkle of star sparkle love
smoothing the waves of self-urgency
I'm left only to ponder the wonder
of getting to see you,
even if only for one more time.

Dandelion Seed Kisses

Fluffy dollops bounce on my nose
Trollops of white sparklings
float as bounciful dancers

Alas, Spring plays me with Her
skipping traces between
snow-capped tall grasses
and morning dew branches

I can't help but haplessly
follow Her unknown
meanderings; pulling me to venture beyond
soils of earthworm castings toward
boundless stages above
Earth's sproutings

A moment's kiss from a delicate seed is a rarer
more honourable gift
than one proffered from
a lover's full-hearted, soft lips

Ave Maria

My face soaks up the moistness from the stone bricks. How long have I been here for? The sun has pressed my shadow into the wall. Not another morning. Shit. Where will I go now? The cops have seen me here before.

I try to pull my hand from the ground, my wrist still limp from my fall last night.

Creeeeakkk. Skkweeeekk.

I look through the grapevines on the chaink link fence. A woman so beautiful -- so at peace, pulling in her laundry.

Fuck. I wish I had such a life. So simple. Doing simple chores. And being happy doing it.

"Aveeee Maria! Aveee Maria!"

The sun beams again, floating her milk chocolate locks with a golden touch of caramel.

If I could only speak with her. She seems to have all the answers. The only woman who isn't afraid of me.

Maybe she can give me some food and warm me up.

I need someone to cry to. I need someone who will make this misery all go away.

After that nothing was the same...

We sat there, dumbfounded and yet open to every possibility. Staring through the windowshield, the raindrops linger and then roll away.

Our thoughts race down the road to a place past the apple orchards of unrequited affairs, where we can be at last be alone with each other.

I stare into his eyes, quivering with conflicting glances within, upwards and far away. "We should just forget about this, shouldn't we?" Our eyes tell each other, "just continue on as friends, as if nothing happened...walk past each other in the hallways and say "hello" and "it's a nice day, isn't it?"

The beating of our hearts bounce off the windows--echoing to the pine trees 20 feet away . To pretend we didn't feel the dreams and wishes pass between our lips would mean becoming cold and professional, fitting ourselves into dark blue business suits with boring grey ties.

We can't stop the Truth! This madness of living without a heart has been circulating throughout humanity for far too long. Even if we're ostracized, condemned or beaten. This world needs to know -- we love each other!

And it will move the mountains of the dead and hardened perceptions--pushing them to unfold the ways that couples are to look and be.

We can shatter all delusions. We will do it together.

His hand touches my leg. I can't resist and yet I know better.